And They Lived Happily Ever After?

If you had asked me in high school how I thought my future would pan out, I probably would have said that I'd go to college and meet my prince charming, we'd fall in, get married and live happily ever after, period. That's where the story ended for me because marriage was the happy ending. Isn't that what Hollywood has taught us? Well life and experience have taught me otherwise now that I am a little older. Marriage is only the beginning of a new chapter and it is not all sunshine and roses once the knot is tied. Marriage is hard work and requires effort. I learned this as I watched marriages and families who were close to me, break apart due to divorce. The harsh reality set in that this endeavor is not easy. I am so blessed to have parent's whose marriage has been strong and healthy. I have thankfully never had a first hand experience with divorce, but I witnessed the effects of divorce on my bother's marriage. It was heartbreaking to see the sadness and struggle that resulted. His children suffered the most as they were too young to fully understand why things changed so abruptly. I noticed how they were moody and upset when they would return from a trip visiting the other parent and I saw the true exhaustion it forced upon them to go back and forth between homes, all because of a choice that was not theirs at all. My brother will eventually remarry and then he will have to work through the challenges of a blended family. However I see hope through all of this because I believe in the institution of marriage and I know that happiness can be found in such great amounts through it. This brings hope for my future, my brother's future and all those who have gone through the heartache of divorce. I believe that God has a plan for our lives and if we trust and believe, we can realize how great that plan really is.

Meet the Parents

I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for the way I was raised and the childhood I experienced as a result. I think my parents were inspired as they raised 8 teens successfully. But more importantly I think they balanced and complimented each other well to form a parenting style that really worked well in our home.

My father plays the more firmer side in my parent's parenting style. He is an engineer and very practical and logical. He works hard and has high expectations for us as his children. My father can be stern and sometimes intimidating, but he is also very good at solving problems and offering advice out of love. He holds and honors his priesthood and is always leading the family in gospel matters.

My mom is the soft and gentle side of my parents style. She is kind, caring and quick to forgive. She is selfless in so many ways as she only looks for ways to help the ones she loves. My mom can always see the potential and good in anyone and is quick to offer support, love, and encouragement when it is needed. She is comforting and warm and truly loves her role as a mother.

Together my parents created a home where we knew what was expected of us and how we were to behave. Yet we always knew that our parents had our back. I never felt like I had to keep secrets from my parents because I knew they loved me and truly cared for me. I did not want to disrespect them or lose their trust in any way and this helped me as I made decisions growing up. There were times when they were firm, and yet there was constantly an undercurrent of love. They were not perfect, yet I still find myself looking up to them and striving to achieve the home and family they created.

Money Money Money

I never knew that things were tight when I was a child. I had everything that my little heart desired and the stress of running a home of eight children never affected me. I am grateful that my parents handled those times of financial tightness in such a way that I never felt worried or scared about the future of our family. However I was taught the importance and concept of money as my parents would show us how to buy the better deals while shopping, or telling us kids that we could not buy pizza because it cost too much money. I realized that money had to be earned and used with smart choices. I also new that we worked together as a family to make our household function. We had a family paper route growing up that brought in extra money and it was expected of us to wake up and help on certain days that were assigned.We also all worked in the garden to grow many fruits and vegetables that in turn ended up on our dinner table to eat. We were expected to do chores with the understanding that this was our part to help the family work. We were paid money for larger projects on occasion and this money that we earned taught us how to spend and use money. We were taught to always first pay tithing, then save a little for a "rainy day" and then we could plan or budget what ever we wanted to do with the rest.

These valuable lessons that I never realized learning while in the moment are so important and make all the difference now that I am in college. I have to plan a budget and stick to it in order to pay for school and my needs and I must work for the things that want. I am so grateful for parents who taught me not only the value of money and how to use it but also the value of work and that being in a family means teamwork.

Family Council

Some of my most fondest memories came from a time when my family would gather together for what was called, Family Council. It was exactly as it sounds where my Dad, usually on a Sunday afternoon would gather the family in the living room for us to have a meeting together. The agenda and topics covered was different each time but the important thing was that we all met together in a setting where we were allowed to talk freely as members of one family. Sometimes we discussed new rules or "family policies" that we all agreed upon. Other times we discussed what changes needed to be made to help things run more smoothly in our house. Many times my parents would teach and share with us gospel principles during these moments. There was always a chance for anyone to bring up matters they wanted to discuss, things that were on their mind, or something that happened to them. We would then plan the week ahead day by day to schedule our time and work out conflicts. 

I will always remember these meetings for several reasons. One of the best things about these councils was that our family learned important communication skills as we talked with each other. We learned how to settle conflicts and how to be respectful of others thoughts and opinions. We also grew together as a united team who were working together with one purpose. These meetings made each of us realize our individual role in our family and that we had a say instead of my parents solely controlling the family. We grew closer and became more unified and for that I will always be grateful.

When the Going Gets Tough...

This week a great deal has been on my mind about how a family unit faces trials and changes. I watched two separate families go through very hard things this week and it was very interesting to see how each handled these challenges. I found myself worried and hoping that these struggles and trials that they had to endure would not break them, but somehow instead they would find a way to come out stronger and more united. I knew that I had no influence on the outcome of these hardships for these families but I wished I could explain from the outside how their family unit would be the strongest resource that they had during these times. I also found myself thinking about if my own family had to endure the same thing, how we would respond and how would I feel. Would our family withstand the test? I hoped so.

I felt helpless as I heard the news that one family that I know well lost a young member of their family in a freak accident. I knew that this family had already endured a great deal over the years and I found myself wondering if this would be the thing that would cause them to break. However as I attended the funeral I was so comforted to see just the opposite. This family was surround and supported by such a strong network of extended family and friends that the love in the room was almost tangible. They had pulled together in such a way that only a family could do during a time of crisis. After seeing this family's response, although very heart-broken, but still so strong, I realized that they would make it through only because they had each other and their religious beliefs.

The second was my friend's family who went through an accident that they were very blessed to have everyone return from alive. This incident seemed to shake the family in a way that brought them closer than ever before and give them a perspective of gratitude and humility.

I realized more than ever this week that this is why we have families. We are so much stronger when we stand together as a team. Stress and pressure are almost a good thing that allows us a chance to unite and hopefully change for the better. It is during these moments that we realize how truly blessed we are and we love a little deeper and live each day a little fuller.

Loyalty

One thing that my parents have always taught me through their example is what loyalty is. They have lived their marriage with complete fidelity and this is a key aspect for why it has survived. It is so easy to find story after story of marriages falling apart because one or both were not faithful. I think this is a deep fear that I have had and if I am being honest it holds me back sometimes as I date. This fear doesn't come from my parents but perhaps from the countless stories of marriages failing. I hear these stories and it makes me want to sometimes give up on the idea of marriage.

I then look at marriages like my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my bishopric, my siblings, and my own sweet parents. Loyalty and love is laced throughout their marriages and this brings me hope. Fidelity in these marriages mean that they not only are faithful on the outside to each other but they are faithful  with their whole hearts. This means that they do not think of others or even look at others because their spouses are number one in their eyes.

Marriage can be beautiful and wonderful and I know that I have examples from my own personal support system to help me know that marriage can survive and last.

Finding "the one"

No, I am not married nor have I found "the one" yet. But I have learned some things about dating and marriage to honestly say that there is not "the one" out there. I hope this isn't shocking news, but for me as a young hopeless romantic in high school, I completely believed in soulmates and couldn't wait to find mine and ride off into a perfect sunset together on a white horse. Well my opinions have changed slightly since then. I now put much more importance on dating someone and truly finding out who they are and if we together will be a good fit, than on finding "the one" that is meant for me. I believe love is a choice and once we have done our homework in the dating phase, we can be confident in knowing that we can have a happy and successful marriage if we choose to.

Dating is the time to really get to know someone. We go and do many different things and see each other in many different lights. We note what we do like about a person and the things we don't like as much.There are three important components of a date. It should be planned, paid for, and paired off. This helps us truly date someone and not just hang out with them. Dating then leads to courting. Courting is dating with marriage in mind. This does not mean that courting someone will definitely mean you will marry them, but it means you are dating elusively and looking at each other as a potential spouse. The next step is engagement. This is an important time to not only plan the wedding but to really ask each other lots of questions. This is a time to truly see if you can fit together. The final stage is marriage. However it is not just sunshine and roses after that. Marriage takes work and commitment. It is about being selfless and choosing to love someone through the ups and the downs.

There is no better example for me about a successful marriage than my own parents. They choose each other and act accordingly. They know how to work as a team and realize each other's strengths and weaknesses and use them together to empower their marriage. I am so grateful for their example of love and devotion to each other and one day I hope to have the very same thing of my own.

How It All Began

There is a popular country song, who's punch line is, "all because two people fell in love." I sometimes look at my family and where we are at today and think the same thing. I know it sounds cheesy but it all couldn't have been possible if my parents had not met and fallen in love. Circumstances aligned, they met and as they dated, they came to realize that not only were they compatible, but they shared the same values, wanted the same things, and believed they could make a wonderful life together. So I am going to rewind and take you back to where it all began.

My parents met while they were both attending what was then Ricks College. This fact alone seems insignificant but it was paramount that they were brought together in the same town while both attending school to even have a chance of meeting. Timing and placement is key in meeting someone who is right for you. Not only were they attending the same college, but they had a class together which gave them a common area of interest. My dad was running late to this class, and upon arriving to the large auditorium of seats he quickly looked for the nearest available seat which happened to be right next to my mom. After the class was finished, my dad asked my mom if she wouldn't mind saving him a seat the next day and she agreed. The next day in class my dad looked for my mom but began to panic as he realized he could only remember what her eyes looked like. To his relief my mom saw him and waved from across the room and the rest was history. They went on several dates and slowly saw who the other truly was. I learned from my parent's story that dating a person in a variety of settings can reveal who that person is and what they value. My mom says that one instance that stood out in her mind was when they were deciding what movie to see, and my dad turned down one that would bring them home past midnight on a Saturday night. This told her that he valued the Sabbath day and that was something that she wanted. My dad talks about how it impressed him that he saw how caring and kind my mom was when she interacted with others, which was something that he wanted in a wife and mother.

It may not seem like a fairy tale, but for the Johns family it was. My parents met, dated and found a foundation of values that they shared to make a life and family together last. Now 30 plus years later, they have built a family that I am so lucky to be apart of. You never know how it will begin but my family is proof that great and wonderful things can come from simple beginnings.

Boys Vs. Girls

I grew up in a family with 4 sisters and 3 brothers. I played Barbies and dress up with my sisters and cowboys and Indians with my brothers. Yes we were different, but yet still very much the same and I attribute that to how my parents raised us based upon on gender roles.

We were both raised with the same expectations, under the same rules and treated with equality and fairness. My brothers were expected to know how to do their own laundry, wash dishes, clean and cook. The girls also mowed the lawn, weeded the garden, took our turn shoveling the walk, and were taught how to change a tire and check the oil on our cars. We were never exempted from a chore or task because of our gender and I believe this was a benefit to us because we were never held back or hindered by what we believed we could or could not do because of our gender.

I think how I was raised has empowered me as a girl more than anything. I have learned that I can do anything that I put my mind to and I have the ability to learn new things and excel at them. There is nothing that I cannot do because I am a girl. I also learned my divine role as well. I was taught by the example of my own parents how important my role as a future wife and mother will be one day to my family and how important this role is to my Heavenly Father. Because of this I find myself caring more about what my Father in Heaven thinks about my accomplishments in this life than what society or the world thinks.

Culture or Coincidence?

Sure we can look at who we are and where we live and say that we have a culture. This is more obvious as we look at how we live compared to other people living across the world. But have you ever thought that your own family has created its own culture that exists within the walls of your home? Why are we the way that we are and how did we come to be this way? Is this family culture passed down or unique to each individual family?

As I thought about the culture of my own family, I see some significant aspects that make us who we are. One is our faith and religion. Both of my parents came from families that were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so that faith, membership and belief is something that has been embedded into our family. Our religion was a priority in my parent's eyes and dictated how we lived our lives. This directly effected the kind of home I grew up in and in turn will effect the man I choose to marry one day.

Another aspect that defined my family culture was the value of work. My father grew up on a farm where he was taught to do his fair share of chores. He learned to work and do a job well done in order to help the family. This same work ethic has been passed down into my family. Although we did not grow up on a farm, we had chores to complete. I can remember several family work projects that included weeding the garden, cleaning the garage or painting the house. We also grew up with a family paper route that we were each expected to do our fair share to help with. I remember hating these work experiences in the moment, but now I look back on them with fondness because it made me who I am today and instilled in me a characteristic that I want my own family to have.

So is it culture or coincidence? What values are passed down and where do new values come from? What kind of culture will you create? I think that is the beauty of a family is that it can be rich with traditions passed down from generation to generation and at the same time be new and unique in how one family decides they want their family to be despite those who came before.

Why We Do What We Do

I once visited a home where hanging on their wall near their kitchen table was a sign that read: "Family Rules." It then proceeded to list things that their family did such as "say thank you" or "take turns." Have you ever thought why your family does what they do? Does every family have a similar sign that lists every rule that they follow?

This made me think about what rules governed my family as I grew up. There were rules that were known and spoken about such as "finish the food that is put on your plate" or "say thank you." But there were others "rules" that we lived by that were unspoken. For instance everyone in our family had a specific spot at the dinner table that they sat in each night, and although we all knew our spot, it was never a spoken rule that we had a spot and only sat in that spot.

Other rules that my family lived by truly shaped who we were as a family unit and what we stood for. One in particular that stands out to me is that we were not allowed to fight with each other. Now that is not to say that we never fought with each other growing up which is most definitely not the case, but it was not tolerated that we call each other names or have an argument go unresolved. We were expected to get along, love, and respect one another. I think more than anything this family rule helped us gain a deeper sibling bond that has allowed me to be able to  honestly and truly say that my siblings are my closest friends.  Another rule that sticks out in my mind is that we always said goodnight to each other. This may seem simple and insignificant, but it was something that we did each night that again made us a more unified family. When one of us was heading to bed we would simply go to each member of the family and say goodnight and I love you. This was a way for us to close the day showing that we cared and taught us to use the words I love you freely with those that we love and care most about in our lives.

So whether it was "Eat your vegetables" or "goodnight, I love you," I am grateful for the family rules that created the family I know and love today.

Did You Say 8??

Yes I did say 8! Many people have been surprised or even shocked when I say that I come from a family of 8 children. In today's world, yes this number can seem unrealistic and even crazy. But for me, it was my perfect world.

Yes the house is loud, to the point where something feels wrong when it is quiet. Yes the table, couches and cars are crowded and packed. And yes you may have to call "dibs" on anything that you want or hide it if you want it for yourself. But I would not have it any other way. Growing up in a large family shaped who I am today more than anything else.

On average, families today are having one to two children. We are seeing the trend of smaller families and this can be for a number of reasons, but to me it really puts my life and what I have into perspective. What if my parents had stopped at two, three or even four children?I wouldn't be here today. Although I know that not all families can be large, I am grateful for the sacrifice that my parents made to raise 8 children.

I believe more than anything that the decision to have children, when and how many is entirely up to a husband, wife and God. He knows all and therefore will tell us what His will is for us. I know that my childhood and family experience has instilled in me the desire to raise a large family because I want for my children what I was blessed to have.

Let Me Introduce Myself...

My name is Cherri Johns and I am a student at Brigham Young University Idaho. I am an Idaho girl through and through and have spent most of my life in this great state. I am a girly girl which means I love things like chocolate, nail polish, fashion, the color pink, and lip-gloss. I love to be creative and am particularly drawn to interior design. I also enjoy music, reading, cooking, and watching a good chick-flick.

But even more crucial to my identity is my family, and where I come from. I am number five out of eight children born to Stan and Lisa Johns. I have four sisters and three brothers and I can honestly say that my siblings are my closest friends in this world. I am also blessed to have seven nieces, three nephews, two brother-in-laws, and one sister-in-law who all help keep our family growing and changing. We are a big crowd and quite loud but I wouldn't live life any other way.

I am creating this blog to talk about what I believe to be one of my most prized possessions that I have in this life, and that is my family. I will talk about my experiences, thoughts, feelings, insights, memories, and ideals of not only my personal family, but the family unit in general. I believe something so wonderful and crucial to our happiness in life should be appreciated and advocated and that is exactly what I hope this blog will do.