Loyalty

One thing that my parents have always taught me through their example is what loyalty is. They have lived their marriage with complete fidelity and this is a key aspect for why it has survived. It is so easy to find story after story of marriages falling apart because one or both were not faithful. I think this is a deep fear that I have had and if I am being honest it holds me back sometimes as I date. This fear doesn't come from my parents but perhaps from the countless stories of marriages failing. I hear these stories and it makes me want to sometimes give up on the idea of marriage.

I then look at marriages like my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my bishopric, my siblings, and my own sweet parents. Loyalty and love is laced throughout their marriages and this brings me hope. Fidelity in these marriages mean that they not only are faithful on the outside to each other but they are faithful  with their whole hearts. This means that they do not think of others or even look at others because their spouses are number one in their eyes.

Marriage can be beautiful and wonderful and I know that I have examples from my own personal support system to help me know that marriage can survive and last.

Finding "the one"

No, I am not married nor have I found "the one" yet. But I have learned some things about dating and marriage to honestly say that there is not "the one" out there. I hope this isn't shocking news, but for me as a young hopeless romantic in high school, I completely believed in soulmates and couldn't wait to find mine and ride off into a perfect sunset together on a white horse. Well my opinions have changed slightly since then. I now put much more importance on dating someone and truly finding out who they are and if we together will be a good fit, than on finding "the one" that is meant for me. I believe love is a choice and once we have done our homework in the dating phase, we can be confident in knowing that we can have a happy and successful marriage if we choose to.

Dating is the time to really get to know someone. We go and do many different things and see each other in many different lights. We note what we do like about a person and the things we don't like as much.There are three important components of a date. It should be planned, paid for, and paired off. This helps us truly date someone and not just hang out with them. Dating then leads to courting. Courting is dating with marriage in mind. This does not mean that courting someone will definitely mean you will marry them, but it means you are dating elusively and looking at each other as a potential spouse. The next step is engagement. This is an important time to not only plan the wedding but to really ask each other lots of questions. This is a time to truly see if you can fit together. The final stage is marriage. However it is not just sunshine and roses after that. Marriage takes work and commitment. It is about being selfless and choosing to love someone through the ups and the downs.

There is no better example for me about a successful marriage than my own parents. They choose each other and act accordingly. They know how to work as a team and realize each other's strengths and weaknesses and use them together to empower their marriage. I am so grateful for their example of love and devotion to each other and one day I hope to have the very same thing of my own.

How It All Began

There is a popular country song, who's punch line is, "all because two people fell in love." I sometimes look at my family and where we are at today and think the same thing. I know it sounds cheesy but it all couldn't have been possible if my parents had not met and fallen in love. Circumstances aligned, they met and as they dated, they came to realize that not only were they compatible, but they shared the same values, wanted the same things, and believed they could make a wonderful life together. So I am going to rewind and take you back to where it all began.

My parents met while they were both attending what was then Ricks College. This fact alone seems insignificant but it was paramount that they were brought together in the same town while both attending school to even have a chance of meeting. Timing and placement is key in meeting someone who is right for you. Not only were they attending the same college, but they had a class together which gave them a common area of interest. My dad was running late to this class, and upon arriving to the large auditorium of seats he quickly looked for the nearest available seat which happened to be right next to my mom. After the class was finished, my dad asked my mom if she wouldn't mind saving him a seat the next day and she agreed. The next day in class my dad looked for my mom but began to panic as he realized he could only remember what her eyes looked like. To his relief my mom saw him and waved from across the room and the rest was history. They went on several dates and slowly saw who the other truly was. I learned from my parent's story that dating a person in a variety of settings can reveal who that person is and what they value. My mom says that one instance that stood out in her mind was when they were deciding what movie to see, and my dad turned down one that would bring them home past midnight on a Saturday night. This told her that he valued the Sabbath day and that was something that she wanted. My dad talks about how it impressed him that he saw how caring and kind my mom was when she interacted with others, which was something that he wanted in a wife and mother.

It may not seem like a fairy tale, but for the Johns family it was. My parents met, dated and found a foundation of values that they shared to make a life and family together last. Now 30 plus years later, they have built a family that I am so lucky to be apart of. You never know how it will begin but my family is proof that great and wonderful things can come from simple beginnings.

Boys Vs. Girls

I grew up in a family with 4 sisters and 3 brothers. I played Barbies and dress up with my sisters and cowboys and Indians with my brothers. Yes we were different, but yet still very much the same and I attribute that to how my parents raised us based upon on gender roles.

We were both raised with the same expectations, under the same rules and treated with equality and fairness. My brothers were expected to know how to do their own laundry, wash dishes, clean and cook. The girls also mowed the lawn, weeded the garden, took our turn shoveling the walk, and were taught how to change a tire and check the oil on our cars. We were never exempted from a chore or task because of our gender and I believe this was a benefit to us because we were never held back or hindered by what we believed we could or could not do because of our gender.

I think how I was raised has empowered me as a girl more than anything. I have learned that I can do anything that I put my mind to and I have the ability to learn new things and excel at them. There is nothing that I cannot do because I am a girl. I also learned my divine role as well. I was taught by the example of my own parents how important my role as a future wife and mother will be one day to my family and how important this role is to my Heavenly Father. Because of this I find myself caring more about what my Father in Heaven thinks about my accomplishments in this life than what society or the world thinks.

Culture or Coincidence?

Sure we can look at who we are and where we live and say that we have a culture. This is more obvious as we look at how we live compared to other people living across the world. But have you ever thought that your own family has created its own culture that exists within the walls of your home? Why are we the way that we are and how did we come to be this way? Is this family culture passed down or unique to each individual family?

As I thought about the culture of my own family, I see some significant aspects that make us who we are. One is our faith and religion. Both of my parents came from families that were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so that faith, membership and belief is something that has been embedded into our family. Our religion was a priority in my parent's eyes and dictated how we lived our lives. This directly effected the kind of home I grew up in and in turn will effect the man I choose to marry one day.

Another aspect that defined my family culture was the value of work. My father grew up on a farm where he was taught to do his fair share of chores. He learned to work and do a job well done in order to help the family. This same work ethic has been passed down into my family. Although we did not grow up on a farm, we had chores to complete. I can remember several family work projects that included weeding the garden, cleaning the garage or painting the house. We also grew up with a family paper route that we were each expected to do our fair share to help with. I remember hating these work experiences in the moment, but now I look back on them with fondness because it made me who I am today and instilled in me a characteristic that I want my own family to have.

So is it culture or coincidence? What values are passed down and where do new values come from? What kind of culture will you create? I think that is the beauty of a family is that it can be rich with traditions passed down from generation to generation and at the same time be new and unique in how one family decides they want their family to be despite those who came before.

Why We Do What We Do

I once visited a home where hanging on their wall near their kitchen table was a sign that read: "Family Rules." It then proceeded to list things that their family did such as "say thank you" or "take turns." Have you ever thought why your family does what they do? Does every family have a similar sign that lists every rule that they follow?

This made me think about what rules governed my family as I grew up. There were rules that were known and spoken about such as "finish the food that is put on your plate" or "say thank you." But there were others "rules" that we lived by that were unspoken. For instance everyone in our family had a specific spot at the dinner table that they sat in each night, and although we all knew our spot, it was never a spoken rule that we had a spot and only sat in that spot.

Other rules that my family lived by truly shaped who we were as a family unit and what we stood for. One in particular that stands out to me is that we were not allowed to fight with each other. Now that is not to say that we never fought with each other growing up which is most definitely not the case, but it was not tolerated that we call each other names or have an argument go unresolved. We were expected to get along, love, and respect one another. I think more than anything this family rule helped us gain a deeper sibling bond that has allowed me to be able to  honestly and truly say that my siblings are my closest friends.  Another rule that sticks out in my mind is that we always said goodnight to each other. This may seem simple and insignificant, but it was something that we did each night that again made us a more unified family. When one of us was heading to bed we would simply go to each member of the family and say goodnight and I love you. This was a way for us to close the day showing that we cared and taught us to use the words I love you freely with those that we love and care most about in our lives.

So whether it was "Eat your vegetables" or "goodnight, I love you," I am grateful for the family rules that created the family I know and love today.

Did You Say 8??

Yes I did say 8! Many people have been surprised or even shocked when I say that I come from a family of 8 children. In today's world, yes this number can seem unrealistic and even crazy. But for me, it was my perfect world.

Yes the house is loud, to the point where something feels wrong when it is quiet. Yes the table, couches and cars are crowded and packed. And yes you may have to call "dibs" on anything that you want or hide it if you want it for yourself. But I would not have it any other way. Growing up in a large family shaped who I am today more than anything else.

On average, families today are having one to two children. We are seeing the trend of smaller families and this can be for a number of reasons, but to me it really puts my life and what I have into perspective. What if my parents had stopped at two, three or even four children?I wouldn't be here today. Although I know that not all families can be large, I am grateful for the sacrifice that my parents made to raise 8 children.

I believe more than anything that the decision to have children, when and how many is entirely up to a husband, wife and God. He knows all and therefore will tell us what His will is for us. I know that my childhood and family experience has instilled in me the desire to raise a large family because I want for my children what I was blessed to have.